If there's one thing I want to do throughout this blog, is be honest. And that's something I really struggle with. I have no problem being honest-on the surface level. I don't know how to really share with others what I'm thinking, feeling, going through. So I guess all I'm saying is that this blog will be a challenge for myself, to be more honest. with myself. with friends. with God. honesty
Our youth group worship team has the opportunity to play at our bible camp in the black hills. I've been looking forward to this ever since I found out, which was just a week ago. I'm playing guitar, my youth pastor is leading on her keyboard, her husband playing drums, my friend is singing and her brother is playing bass. I normally sing too, but was just asked to play guitar so I can focus on that. Sometimes I struggle singing and playing at the same time ;) Some students from another church are also playing with us so we have an electric guitar, guy singer and 2 other girl singers.
Tonight we had practice for that. I was really excited. I love being involved in worship. Our youth worship team drove to the other church so we could practice together. The set up of where everyone stands is different than what it is at our church, so I was off on one side of the stage. I kind of felt by myself. I guess I haven't felt that way in a while. Everyone seemed to be laughing, having fun. And for some reason, I felt I didn't fit in. I don't like that feeling. I suppose no one really does... I feel I've had enough past experience in this. I also felt insecure in my guitar playing abilities. Everyone else seemed to be rockin their instruments/voices, and I felt just average. I know I'm not fabulous at guitar, but I didn't even feel very talented. Like should I even be on the worship team? Shouldn't it be for more gifted people? Why am I not more talented? I'm glad I'm not singing, too, because I would feel like an even worse singer after hearing the other people sing tonight. insecurities
Tonight there was lightning as I was driving home. So beautiful! I remember one time when I was younger and was coming home when a lightning show was everywhere. I remember being enthralled in the bright and poweful lightning. I still feel that way. Lightning is beautiful to watch and also surprising, because you don't know where it will stike next, how big it will be, or how far away. I even pulled over to watch the storm for about 10 minutes. lightning
How all three of these topics relate, I don't know. Maybe they do, maybe they don't. I'll let you decide.
dude! thanks for following my blog! i like reading yours, too. it helps me stay up to date (sort of) with my beloved brookings folk :)
ReplyDeletep.s. don't feel insecure about worship team and your talents! let it simply drive you to be a better YOU! you ARE adequate and you ARE a great guitar player and you ARE a great singer...just remember the audience is of one :)
love ya girl!