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November 20, 2010

the eyes of Jesus


The first week in November, I took part of an experience called Urban Hike. With 20 other students, I went to Edmonton to live with the homeless for a week. We spent the week helping out in soup kitchens, wandering the streets, hanging out with the homeless people and sleeping in a church. It was a really good experience and time of learning. I was able to see first-hand the hopelessness that was portrayed in the eyes of the homeless. A lot of the people I met seemed stuck in a place that they couldn’t get out of. Some of them didn’t like the way they were living but were unwilling to do anything to change it or weren’t sure how to change. Many of them were bound by addictions.

The people that I met on the streets needed basic possessions that I often take for granted. Some that stuck out to me were: shelter, food, and relationships. For many of the people I talked with, they went to the soup kitchens every day to get meals. They couldn’t provide food for themselves. Some of them had a place to sleep at night but even then it wasn’t a very nice place to be. I observed that when these people were eating their meals, they would usually keep to themselves. It seemed to me that something they need but weren’t getting enough of was friendships.

My favorite thing about Urban Hike was the conversations I had with people who came into the soup kitchens. One conversation that a couple people and I were able to have was with Darryl. We met him while waiting in line for food at a soup kitchen. Afterwards we took him out for coffee to hear about his life story. He is about 50 years old and going through the Herb Jamison rehab program downtown Edmonton. He used to be a farmer until a couple years ago. When his wife left him and took the kids, he turned to alcohol to find relief. He spent at least 10,000 on alcohol. After he lost everything he owned, he came to the city. Soon after, he enrolled in the drug rehab program. Darryl is a very wise, theological man. He understands the value of life and had real hardships in life.

When we first sad down with our coffee at Tim Hortons, he held up a $20 bill. One of the first things Darryl did when we sat down for coffee was pull out a $20 bill. “What is this worth?” he asked us. He then began to crumple it and form it into a ball. “Is it still worth $20?” Darryl asked. “Yes, it’s still the same amount,” we responded. Darryl replied. “Just like this bill, people can’t always see that they are valued. They might be all crumpled and bruised, but that doesn’t change their value. Even when I throw this money on the ground and it gets trampled, it hasn’t lost any of its value. Many people who are living on the streets cannot see their own value. They’ve been hurt and damaged by other people or even themselves that they forget how valuable they are.” Darryl reminded me that someone on the street is not of any less value than me but is equal. They need reminder of how important they are and how valued their life is.

A lot of other things happened this week which I was able to take and learn from. We went on a rose walk, where we gave roses to prostitutes. That was definitely an interesting experience. One thing I struggled with during Urban Hike was realizing that it was not up to me to change these people. The only thing I could do that would have an impact on them was to love them. I wanted so badly for these people to find freedom in Jesus, to not be bound by their addictions or struggles. But it was not up to me to stop their addictions, get them off the streets, turn their life around or make them be a Christian. This is something that only God can do. Urban hike. I learned a lot and grew in my understanding of who God is and who he calls us to be.

October 13, 2010

Life is a journey

Life is a journey.
one that we don't always have control of
one that can make your soul take flight
one that can make your heart tear in two

Life is a journey.
not an easy one, which everybody who has lived a life worth telling knows
not one that has easy answers
maybe not even one with any answers

Life is a journey.
worth the risks and the falls, worth trying new paths,
new adventures, discovering new stories
one that can take you places beyond your comfort, beyond your desires of living
one that is harder than a simple yes or no

Take the jump, come out of the box you have made for yourself.
Say yes to this journey of life.
To the journey of life's discoveries.


September 27, 2010

It's all good

I've been really enjoying my time here. Last Friday our school held a youth event called LOL, which takes place every month. I was asked to lead worship and had only 3 days to prepare and practice for it. For some reason, though, God had everything under control for how well it went. I've never really led worship for something like this before so I was nervous about how it was going to go. It went so well. There were probably 50 kids there and it was really fun for me to see them get into it and also have fun. So many people afterwards came and told me that I did a great job. Someone even said I had a gifting in leading worship. I’m almost scared to accept these compliments. Like for how easy it was to lead worship, it shouldn't have gone so well. If that makes sense? But on the other hand, leading worship is kind of one of those hidden desires that I've always wanted to do but didn't think I was qualified enough to. I’ll just have to wait on God and see where he takes music in my life. I am very grateful for the opportunity I had to lead worship for youth.

Fun experience

September 18, 2010

Too soon to dissect the frog

So… I think I freak out a little too easily [in reference to my last post]. Right now I love school and although have only had 2 days of classes and 1 test, I’m already comfortable with being here. God must answer prayers. I’ve been so busy just hanging out with friends. I’m really digging this dorm life. And I’ve only been here 2 nights. Okay, maybe the real problem is that I analyze things a little too quickly?

Tonight I’m heading out to a youth group that I’m a part of helping this year. I think it’s a youth group of about 40 kids...

...Just got back from youth at Solid Rock. It has been made very clear to me tonight that I do try to analyze situations too quickly. I think I changed my mind 5 times tonight whether I liked being a leader in this youth group or not. It’s hard to be a leader in a youth group I’ve never been to before.

One thing that really stood out to me was the lack of genuineness of the students. It just seemed like it was a show. I think that is something I have really taken for granted in my youth group in high school. In worship the students just kind of sang along and those on the team didn’t really seem to make it a part of personal worship for them. When it came time for the small group discussions, everyone had the right answers, but I don’t really know how personal they are with God. I overheard one girl say to another girl about how she was dressed up because she was going to the bar after youth with another guy from the youth group.

I’m not trying to say that I’m looking down on the students in the youth group. I’m just trying to point out [probably more for myself] that this might be a really good opportunity for me to share my realness with God and reach out to them in that way. I really do pray that God will be able to use me in the relationships I form with these students. Again, I need to give what I’m involved in more time before trying to dissect it. There are definitely things that stood out to me in a good way, such as the youth leader’s strong emphasis on how important your relationship with Christ is. That’s always a good thing :)

Today I’m thankful for:

New friendships

New experiences

Meeting a couple new faces at CLBI

My choir tryout- I think it went well J

First test of the year- not too hard even though I before the test I thought I should’ve studied harder

P.s. I needed a random title. I kind of like it, haha..

September 15, 2010

Adjusting

I don't know why but I'm struggling with coming up with something to write. Maybe I should wait till I feel better. I just started feeling sick just a warm face but enough to not feel like myself.

Oh, I should probably mention that I made it to Camrose, AB on Saturday. I met up with the girls to go on the hiking trip on Sunday. I missed out on the canoe portion of the trip but was able to get in on some of the outdoor experience. It was awkward for me at first but I just tried to be as friendly as I could and tried to remember a couple names of the 40 some I met that day. Everyone was so welcoming to me, so that was a huge blessing. I was so glad to get to have good conversations with some of the girls throughout the couple days there. The last night on our trip, we all went around and shared our "story of grace." It was a really good way to be personal with each other and share our story.

Right now I feel kind of like I'm back at square one. like I don't fit in. like everyone knows each other except for me. I know this isn't true, but my blog is supposed to be honest, right? I feel like going and finding a quiet spot to read and be my introvert self. I probably just need to give it some time. I've only been on campus for a few hours.

time. time. time.

I will give it time.

September 6, 2010

I'm thankful for...

*lifelight music festival- favorite part is running into people I know. And worshiping God with thousands of other believers. I love connections.

*such an awesome group of friends and family who love me, pray for me and support me

*new CD- John Mark McMillan, who wrote "How he loves"

*sleeping in, in my own bed

*morning coffee

*finding out who my roommate is- she seems really cute and fun

September 3, 2010

if only life was...

if only life was a straight path.
with no question which direction to go
which footprints to leave
if only life was a gravel road.
easy, familiar, comfortable
no fears, no confusing signs or traffic
life is more like a winding river.
one that turns unexpectedly
speeds up and slows down
(usually when you don't want it to)
one that makes you question the destination
or how to get there.
but that's the challenge of life
to have balance
to find your way
your interests
yourself